Self-Worth

Here's what happens when I wax philosophical.  The other day, I was mentally castigating myself for not doing a particular job even though I had spent the day doing "things that had to be done".  I had crossed everything off my "Must Do" list except that one job.  I sat myself down to a regular, dyed-in-the-wool bout of self-loathing. 

But then I stopped and started thinking a bit more rationally.

Do we ever enjoy a bout of self-worth?  It sounds like a rather dreadful thing to enjoy, but under certain circumstances it can be quite satisfying.

Let me explain.  Have you ever undertaken an unpleasant task at a time when you truly wanted to do something else, something you'd like doing?  Maybe even something that you are passionate about?  And then, not only do you do the job, but you also do it to the best of your ability.  You take the time to make sure no one (not even you!) can find fault with it.  It's even possible that you are so careful to do it correctly that when it's complete, there's no way you have the time to do what you wanted to do.  Or, you realize that you might as well do something else that you've postponed because you're in a groove.  

When you finish that horrid chore and you look at your handiwork, how do you feel?  A glow?  A sense of accomplishment?  A certain satisfaction?  Are you proud of yourself for "doing the right thing"?  Do you feel worthy of a pat on the back?  Yup, that's when self-worth is a good thing!  Revel in it.  Smile and pat yourself on the back.  Then put that feeling in the closet in your mind, shut the door, and go about whatever else you need or want to do.

Sometimes I think we are too caught up in self-consciousness over thinking we have done something meritorious.  We wear a sense of guilt like a permanent press shirt.  It's all ugly from too many washings, and it has nubbins and bobbles of fabric, lint, and animal hair.  Toothpaste has dripped on it, and there are some mustard stains.  The collar is frayed, and it doesn't even fit yet we still wear it. 

Let's throw that shirt away, okay?  After all, it doesn't do us any good, and why should we want to cling to something that makes us feel bad?  Open the door to that closet in your mind and take out that feeling of self-worth to examine every now and again when you're feeling down on yourself.

Maybe we'll even get to the point where we can wear self-worth like a mantle and learn to appreciate not only what we do accomplish but also appreciate who we are.