Successful Visit

Today we visited David's father.  Sound like a nice thing to do?  Well, we had an ulterior motive.   Dad has once again decided to sell his house.  Operative words in that last sentence are "once again".  Yes, he's done it before.  Sometimes a realtor and seller are not a good match, and that was the reason one attempt didn't work.  Other times, the seller realizes at the last moment it isn't what they want to do after all.  That happened another time.  Here we are, then, at still another attempt, and I'm hoping that this one will be successful.  David's dad is a very intelligent and aware man who shows no sign of mental deterioration even though he is 96 years of age.  He lives independently and has been jealously guarding that independence for some time.  The problem is that his health is beginning to fray around the edges, and while he can still get his own meals, we'd like to see him enjoy having someone else do that for him.  Winter with its dark, dreary days and very long cold nights are very hard for him.  That season seriously affects his emotional state, and we'd love to see him in a facility that is bright, cheerful, full of other aging, able people. 

David arranged to have a realtor meet with them last week.  The meeting wasn't an unqualified success, but it went well.  One of the things said was that the house must be de-cluttered.  Ouch!  Dad's home is piled with old magazines (full of interesting articles), old mail (which might need to be referred to in the future), newspapers (editorials to re-read and ponder) - all of which sit in teetering piles all over the downstairs.  Dad was definitely not pleased with the "de-clutter" idea. 

The point of our trip today, was to test the waters and see if Dad would allow us to help clean out the house.  It took a bit of working around by completing other necessary tasks, but eventually we got out the box of garbage bags we took with us and marched off to the very small sun room (our test area).  Dad followed.  He sat down in his chair.  David snapped open a garbage bag, I grabbed a pile of paper and sat on the floor.  Slowly, we started.  Dad didn't say much, but he didn't glower either.  We took it slowly, mulled over a few items, set aside some books, threw away a lot.  Dad said he didn't want books thrown away.  We assured him we would take books and magazines in good shape and of general interest to our library.  Dad relaxed.  We found a few special items that we handed to him, and he was delighted to see those items again. 

Every time we took a full garbage bag out, Dad reacted with a whew-that's-a-lot! comment.  Not negatively, but in a surprised I-didn't-realize-there-was-so-much kind of way.  By lunch time, we had filled the trunk of our car and some of the back seat (the dump in his town wasn't open on Wednesdays), we had cleared off most of the surfaces, the spaces behind and under furniture, the many baskets and closed containers, and all of the piles that had been on the floor.  Still a few places to finish in the sun room, but oh my, does it look better!  Best of all, Dad was pleased.

Today was a good day.  The next time might not be, but at least we've made that all important first foray into de-cluttering.  It must have simply overwhelmed Dad, and there's also the hard part of letting others do what you can no longer do.  He's a proud and stubborn man determined to live his last days as he wishes to.  I hope what was started today will help him continue to do just that.