Accepting Compliments

Yes, I believe it truly is an art when one practices accepting compliments gracefully, and it isn't an easy one for most women to master.  Does that sound sexist?  Bear with me.

This morning I was reading the editorial section of our local paper, the Times Union, when I came across "When thanks is enough: Women need to learn the responsibility of accepting praise" [my italics] by Gina Barreca.  The subtitle intrigued me into reading the editorial carefully.  First, if you didn't have the chance to read this one, I recommend digging the editorial section out of your recycle bin so you can.  It's worth it. Obviously the subject is women and their inability to accept compliments gracefully, a grace that I've working hard at learning and teaching to others.  But I never thought the subject through to its final resting place - what that inability does to the giver of the compliment.  And that's one part of the responsibility that Barreca discusses comes in.  The other part is that it comes with success and we should accept that.

As I read, I thought of all my friends (and me, too) who labor so hard and long at their arts/skills - especially at this time of year.  I though about how anxiously and eagerly we all await the unveiling of our work .  Will she/he like it?  Will they understand what we intended?  You know how that goes. Whether it is a knit sweater, a bed quilt, a painting, a pie, an ornament, a pot -   We wait for the look on the face, and we listen to what is said.  

Now be honest.  How many of us respond to the "Ohhh, I love it!" with a "Thank you. I'm so very glad it makes you happy!"  If you are honest, most of you have to say, not often.  

Barreca's point is that inability is not only a "reluctance to accept victory and enjoy even an earned sense of triumph" it is also confusing and sometimes painful to the giver of the compliment ("Men back away . . . swearing never to say another word").  She doesn't belabor this point, indeed, it's a minor issue in this editorial.  However, if we realize the awkward situation we create for the person who uttered words of praise, we might find it easier to say that "Thank you" that seems to stick in our throats.  At least consider that possibility as a stepping stone to get past the tendency to say, quoting many a quilter, "Well, you see the block in the upper right hand corner?  I cut the points off the triangles in that one."

I'll end with two thoughts, first, "It's time for us to stop rehearsing our shortcomings. . . we should accept congratulations with grace and pleasure . . . right along with the other responsibilities of success" [Barreca].   And second, if you don't have a set "thank you" phrase practiced and ready to roll off your tongue, go to http://www.wikihow.com/Take-Compliments (even though the site features a male, there are good ideas here) and find some notions that work for you.

By the way, I've seen your work, and it is beautiful; thank you for sharing!