Yesterday I was talking to a friend about what I had discovered as I worked on my crazy quilt blocks (see March 5, 2012, Monday). I told her what I wrote here - that I find myself impelled to continue the story of the women in my family who passed to me certain traditions. That made me realize that the entry called "Broken Dishes" had basically the same, though physically tangible, theme; in that entry it was women passing on prized possessions.
My friend was clearly thinking as I spoke of this, and after a moment she said quietly, "It was different in my family." When I looked at her quizzically, she explained, "In my family it was kindness." She went on to tell wonderful stories about kindness. Her stories and what they illustrated has stayed with me and has deepened my appreciation of vast number and kinds of tradition. Certain characteristics and arising from those characteristics certain habits of behavior are also passed on. Sometimes we wish more of us would continue that practice. More integrity, moral ethics, patience, respect for privacy would be welcome, wouldn't it?
In my life, the gifts were in the realm of intellect (love of literature and learning, for example) and the arts. Possibly because I am quite involved with sewing and painting right now, it didn't occur to me to think about actual character traits . . . which, I now realize, was supremely short-sighted of me. This kind of inheritance can take so many different forms.
My brother's reaction to the incident that inspired the "Broken Dishes" entry should have made this abundantly clear to me. I mentioned that I would talk about Davis' response later. So here is some of it. Davis said that he saw the broken dishes as having to do with his failure to take adequate precautions in his role as "caretaker" (of precious family heirlooms) to prevent such an occurrence. He sited various reasons for his feeling, but his obvious distress at being in some way responsible for his wife's pain was the first. He went on to talk about other perceived shortcomings with which I don't agree at all. That reminds me of quilters who are always quick to tell you about the mistakes in their work, mistakes that no one would have seen if they had not been pointed out. I wonder if self-criticism could be considered a tradition that has been passed along?
Going back to Davis as caretaker; there's something else that is handed down - specific roles. Think about it. We are all familiar with men who consider it their role to be the "provider". "Caretaker" is simply another tradition passed from father to son or male to male. Women aren't the only ones with strong feelings about family traditions, though our slant might be slightly different. Sometimes I think we forget that men have strongly held views about what their part in the keeping of traditions (I am talking about the positive things, remember!).
But this entire discussion started with the tradition of hand-work and preserving family heirlooms. With that in mind, what do men do, make, preserve, or say that pays homage to their male ancestors that have taught them . . . their role, their job in continuing male tradition? It's more than just carving the turkey at Thanksgiving!
All this is definitely simplified, but I wanted you to follow the thread of my thoughts on this topic. Whatever each of us does, our traditions are very important to all of us, and they certainly go beyond the greeting card sentiments at holiday time. Take a moment to think about the good things passed on to you that you carry forward. If you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear your stories (which I won't share unless you give me permission, and remember, you can comment anonymously).
Going back to Davis as caretaker; there's something else that is handed down - specific roles. Think about it. We are all familiar with men who consider it their role to be the "provider". "Caretaker" is simply another tradition passed from father to son or male to male. Women aren't the only ones with strong feelings about family traditions, though our slant might be slightly different. Sometimes I think we forget that men have strongly held views about what their part in the keeping of traditions (I am talking about the positive things, remember!).
But this entire discussion started with the tradition of hand-work and preserving family heirlooms. With that in mind, what do men do, make, preserve, or say that pays homage to their male ancestors that have taught them . . . their role, their job in continuing male tradition? It's more than just carving the turkey at Thanksgiving!
All this is definitely simplified, but I wanted you to follow the thread of my thoughts on this topic. Whatever each of us does, our traditions are very important to all of us, and they certainly go beyond the greeting card sentiments at holiday time. Take a moment to think about the good things passed on to you that you carry forward. If you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear your stories (which I won't share unless you give me permission, and remember, you can comment anonymously).
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